Why gossip can be a good thing too

Gossip gets a bad rap because, well, it lingers between whispered secrets and outright character assassination. It’s the kind of pastime that most people will deny, or at the very least, invoke plausible deniability. And then, spill more beans or lean in to hear more about someone else.

Psychologist and medical doctor Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys said gossip is not just social noise. It is something people use, often without thinking, to figure each other out.

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Gossip holds groups together

In smaller groups gossip does serve a purpose, and it has for as long as people have lived in close circles. He explained that it helps people find their place among others, working out who they align with and who they do not. It’s a sense of belonging or taking sides that comes at a cost, because it relies on shared opinions about someone else.

“Yet, it still holds groups together in a way that is difficult to ignore,” Dr Redelinghuys added.

It is not always about what is being said, but about what happens after. Dr Redelinghuys said people use information as a way of measuring each other.

“They test the boundaries of relationships through providing strategic information with each other and seeing what another person does with that information,” he said. “It can allow them to decide whether or not that person is trustworthy enough to include in their group.”

He said it reveals more than people realise.

“It shows who can be trusted, who cannot, and who plays which role in a group. Some people earn trust by keeping quiet. Others lose it just as quickly and then there are those who talk too much but remain useful anyway,” said Dr Redelinghuys.

“Sometimes blabbermouths are intentionally kept in groups so that rumours can be leaked about certain things,” he said. “An office blabbermouth is the perfect way to announce something, especially if that thing is set in secret.”

Shhh for secrets. Picture: Supplied

The pull of gossip has not weakened over time and, in many ways, has become easier to feed. Dr Redelinghuys said it taps into something simple.

“People like to feel like they are the holders of knowledge that other people don’t have,” he said. “It makes people feel important, it makes people feel special, it makes people feel part of a small elite group.”

Rumour mongering makes people feel important

There is also an element of curiosity that pushes it along. People are drawn to what they are not supposed to know. That is part of why gossip does not stay contained and instead spreads, grows, and changes depending on who is telling it.

“It really is one of the reasons that political propaganda also works,” he said.

Gossip can also act as a warning system with information about behaviour. This happens whether accurate or not, and influences how people respond to others. Dr Redelinghuys said that at times it can offer some protection against unsavoury individuals but noted that what is said is not always reliable, and people can be judged on versions of events that are incomplete or exaggerated.

Weaponising gossip at work can hurt colleagues. Picture: Supplied

Targeting individuals is weaponising gossip

The bottom line though is that gossip can be weaponised and also hurt people. Dr Redelinghuys said that once gossip becomes focused on specific individuals and is repeated often enough, it changes tack.

“Gossip is generally there to target one or two people and targeting one or two people constantly is a form of bullying,” he said.

It’s also a workplace curse. Or can be.

“Whether it is a few people who are vying for a promotion and one person can begin to spread a rumour about the other people to serve a function, or whether it is one person trying to worm their way into a relationship. Gossip has been used with purpose, quite effectively,” he said.

For the person on the receiving end, the instinct is often to push back, but that is not always effective.

Dr Redelinghuys said the starting point is understanding what is driving it.

“The most important thing when it comes to things like that is to decide why the gossip is spreading,” he said. “Is it spreading because of a certain truth, or is it spreading to serve a function for certain people?”

He added that the only real weapon against untruths is its opposite.

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