Toronto Fallen Firefighter Memorial ceremony delay a 'punch in gut' for widow
· Toronto Sun
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David Wilcox belongs on the Toronto Fallen Firefighter Memorial.
Of course, if Wilcox had his way, he’d still be at work, knocking down fires and driving big red trucks for the City of Toronto well into his 60s. That’s the sort of firefighter he was.
That sense of duty didn’t seem to be reciprocated by Toronto Fire Services when it suddenly postponed a ceremony last month to honour Wilcox and 13 other men. His widow Lori Wilcox said the last-minute postponement, ostensibly for a rainstorm that never came, has brought a lot of pain to her family.
“It was upsetting,” Wilcox told the Toronto Sun . “It wasn’t just the time, the money and all that. It’s the emotion of trying to get yourself worked up to reliving all of this, right?”
Wilcox said two of her three grown children had to travel for the May 24 ceremony, one from outside of the province and the other from the other end of Ontario. They – and their own young families – were already here when, the evening before, calls went out to tell everyone the ceremony was off.
Wilcox said her daughters were initially furious, and made plans to go public with their situation – but they ultimately didn’t follow through. The family decided to go to the monument the next day to pay their respects to David, at roughly the time the ceremony was supposed to take place.
It was a shock that morning to see David’s name hadn’t been added to the black stone monument, which is in HTO Park, a little to the west of the Harbourfront Centre.
‘Had to be something’
“It was something that we had decided pretty much within the hour after we found out about the postponement, that we just decided as a group – like, we’re going down anyways. We’re going to have our own little moment down there to honour not just my husband, but the others that were going to be added,” Wilcox said.
“Then when we found out that the names weren’t on it, it was just like, I don’t know, it was just like punching me in the gut. It’s like, so this is why. We knew there had to be something different other than the weather.
“It was not just disappointing, it was heartbreaking. It made you angry,” she added.
TFS and the union that represented David, the Toronto Professional Fire Fighters’ Association, did not respond to the Sun before its initial reporting about the ceremony postponement this month, but both groups have since insisted the delay was because of the weather, not any issue with getting the names on the monument.
TFS on Friday declined to comment further on the matter. While Wilcox provided photos that showed the 14 names were absent in late May, they were on the monument when the Sun visited Saturday.
Other current and former firefighters have reached out, expressing frustration with the postponement given that while Toronto was drenched the day before, the city got only a light drizzle the morning the ceremony was to take place. Sources have also told the Sun that the garage at TFS fire hall 334, which is adjacent to HTO Park, has been used to hold events before.
David Wilcox, a father of three, worked for TFS for 28 years. When he died in 2023 from post-surgical complications associated with what was found to be line-of-duty cancer, he held the rank of captain.
His family already had to wait for his name to be added to Toronto’s monument, and with the ceremony postponement still indefinite, Lori worries they may wait for another year yet.
Even if the ceremony does go ahead later this year, there will be tough decisions. Some of David’s loved ones might struggle to get more time off work. Lori could have to cancel a summer trip – and the closer that happens to the date, the more money that’s likely to cost.
Her guess is 13 other families are in the same spot.
‘No support’ for first responders
Wilcox said she’s hurt by what happened and has found the association “distant,” even cold, but she said her late husband’s fellow firefighters have been good to the family.
After they visited the monument, David’s brethren at fire hall 334 gave the grandkids a tour.
Wilcox said she had mixed feelings about going public with her family’s pain, but reached out to the Sun after it reported on the ceremony postponement. It’s a little late for an apology, she said, but TFS and the association had yet to tell her anything that they didn’t put out on social media.
It’s wrong that first responders live and die for their communities only for their leaders to decide it’s too much to ask people to stand in the rain to honour them, she said.
“Something needs to be said … When they need us, it’s all of a sudden like, there’s no support there,” Wilcox said.
“Our whole goal is to make sure that no other families have to go through this, that someone takes accountability for this whole process. The firefighters, they put themselves – not just on the line, but they sacrifice daily. I can’t tell you over the years, how many family functions or birthdays, Christmases that they miss, and then get treated the way they do.”